Imagine if you will a self help group amongst consultants meeting in a city. Clearly this has to be over a weekend, preferably on Saturday evening to avoid the Friday evening calls and avoid disturbing the Sunday schedule for the week. Also imagine a new member joining such a group.
As in every group, the new members introduce themselves..
"Hi, my name is A, and I am a consultant."
"Hi A.."
And there might be a little applause for admitting that fact from the rest of the older more seasoned consultants, who have now embraced that fact for what it is. The new member also has to admit his own faults and addictions before taking the first steps to recovery.
A: "I have just become a consultant, and over the last week made a deck that obfuscated facts and showed data to clients that have no bearing on what they are doing."
The older members nod their head knowingly and this brings a smile to their faces as well, most of them reminiscing their own past memories, and how they started out along this line as bright eyed analysts and consultants all those eons ago.
The next step the new member takes is to take a solemn vow of not going back to the old ways, of going further along the road to recovery.
A: "I swear by all that is holy and good, the old gods and the new, by the clients and their companies, I will not make a deck which has the words value, change, management or a four letter framework that came into my head, or a graph which shows nothing."
The older members now all get up and give the new member a hand shake (as hugs are not condoned by consultants)
The next part of the meeting (as this is a time controlled thing, people do have calls and meetings to attend to, and with blackberries and the new phones glowing the impatience can now be seen).
"Last week, I had to tell a client that he has to decentralize HR..This after two years of helping him centralize HR.. I sold the client on the idea and made a lot of money for my firm" The disappointment on the other members is clear to see not because the person stepped back into his old habits, but because they didn't get the project and that it went to their competitor. Other confessions being made by the consultants:
"The client said he had money, the next day I was in his office"
"Just one more project I told myself, just one more engagement and I can stop"
"I can stop with the BS anytime I want to..Its just a question of my will to do that"
"I only implement, so I am not that evil"
"I blew it, I went into a client's office and told him I could help with change management and target collaborative synergies"
After a brief period of outpouring and mainly networking with the group to find out what competitors are doing, thoughts turn to food. People have brought food for the meeting, mostly just snacks from various hotels they stayed at during the week..An abundance of peanuts and cookies from flights, and chocolates from the mini bar..The more health conscious among them have brought energy bars and low fat and calorie food.
The meeting ends with a flourish of phone calls and urgent messages that all of them need to attend and to and the meeting is adjourned with a promise to work on what was said during the week and to get back to the meeting again next week.
At the end all of them get up and repeat:
Rule no. 1 of consultants anonymous: "We work for large multinational management consulting firms, no names required"
Rule no. 2 of consultants anonymous: "We work for large multinational management consulting firms, no names required"
Rule no. 3 of consultants anonymous: "I will not make a deck, I will not make deck.."
As in every group, the new members introduce themselves..
"Hi, my name is A, and I am a consultant."
"Hi A.."
And there might be a little applause for admitting that fact from the rest of the older more seasoned consultants, who have now embraced that fact for what it is. The new member also has to admit his own faults and addictions before taking the first steps to recovery.
A: "I have just become a consultant, and over the last week made a deck that obfuscated facts and showed data to clients that have no bearing on what they are doing."
The older members nod their head knowingly and this brings a smile to their faces as well, most of them reminiscing their own past memories, and how they started out along this line as bright eyed analysts and consultants all those eons ago.
The next step the new member takes is to take a solemn vow of not going back to the old ways, of going further along the road to recovery.
A: "I swear by all that is holy and good, the old gods and the new, by the clients and their companies, I will not make a deck which has the words value, change, management or a four letter framework that came into my head, or a graph which shows nothing."
The older members now all get up and give the new member a hand shake (as hugs are not condoned by consultants)
The next part of the meeting (as this is a time controlled thing, people do have calls and meetings to attend to, and with blackberries and the new phones glowing the impatience can now be seen).
"Last week, I had to tell a client that he has to decentralize HR..This after two years of helping him centralize HR.. I sold the client on the idea and made a lot of money for my firm" The disappointment on the other members is clear to see not because the person stepped back into his old habits, but because they didn't get the project and that it went to their competitor. Other confessions being made by the consultants:
"The client said he had money, the next day I was in his office"
"Just one more project I told myself, just one more engagement and I can stop"
"I can stop with the BS anytime I want to..Its just a question of my will to do that"
"I only implement, so I am not that evil"
"I blew it, I went into a client's office and told him I could help with change management and target collaborative synergies"
After a brief period of outpouring and mainly networking with the group to find out what competitors are doing, thoughts turn to food. People have brought food for the meeting, mostly just snacks from various hotels they stayed at during the week..An abundance of peanuts and cookies from flights, and chocolates from the mini bar..The more health conscious among them have brought energy bars and low fat and calorie food.
The meeting ends with a flourish of phone calls and urgent messages that all of them need to attend and to and the meeting is adjourned with a promise to work on what was said during the week and to get back to the meeting again next week.
At the end all of them get up and repeat:
Rule no. 1 of consultants anonymous: "We work for large multinational management consulting firms, no names required"
Rule no. 2 of consultants anonymous: "We work for large multinational management consulting firms, no names required"
Rule no. 3 of consultants anonymous: "I will not make a deck, I will not make deck.."
